A piece of satire follows. It’s supposed to be in the style of Jonathon Swift’s wonderful baby-eating essay “A Modest Proposal.” But about immigrants and homeless people. It’s a diamond in the rough, so criticism is seen as super duper OK.
Cultural Shocks of the Acclimatized Kind
As the great Sir Aristotle once said, “Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime.” America has felt the effects of this evil spawn, as poverty has ravaged the home of the brave time and time again. The American government has a duty to provide a safe environment and equal opportunities for all. Poverty prevents the skills of an individual to fully bloom to its highest potential because it creates an aura of inferiority that obscures the individual and misguides onlookers. Realistically, the possibility of completely wiping out poverty in America is slim to none. Nevertheless, America needs to take a stance and help supports all its citizens, including the ones that cannot be reached under normal circumstances. The government needs to seize action and create a bigger and better program that will help all those in poverty. The American government should gather all those who live below the poverty, put them in trains, and send them into Mexico where they can be trained to make the most of their less than fortunate lives. Africa would have been first choice, as apparently that country knows how to take advantage of its regrettable circumstances; however the cost would be too great to send families overseas as opposed to across the border.
Relations between the U.S. and Mexico have been fragile as the immigration problem has appeared to gradually become a thorn in America’s side. However, if this free government program is approved, terms with Mexico will improve drastically. Why have an enemy crossing the line behind your back when you can have an ally at your side? Illegal immigrants can find jobs working for both sides of the government. Their job description can include guiding the poverty groups to and from the border if they are unable to fit the trains (although cattle boxcars can always be transformed into handy transportation as well). Certificates would be issued by the U.S. to these guides, thereby guaranteeing their knowledge of the border and were to lead our poor American citizens. Moreover, these certificates would also double as a green card or a VISA to immigrants, thus increasing the demand and value of the job. The age old accusation directed at immigrants “stealing the white man’s job” would cease because the position of Po-Guiders (short for Poverty Guiders) can only be filled by immigrants. American families would be assigned a Mexican family. Each member of each family would be partnered with their respective mentor, or mentór, of the same age group and/or gender.
The underprivileged men of America could stand to learn some lessons in self-confidence. With their Mexican mentors (can be abbreviated to M&M’s) the men would be wiping and washing the windshields of cars all day despite the protests of the vehicle owners. With this newfound confidence, upon return to the states, the men can apply this lesson to their everyday life. Not taking “No” for an answer is what some would call essential to the job application process. The art of construction is a skill that Mexican praise and can teach to those poverty-stricken men that are in the program. Their Mexican mentors may also teach them how to have better hygiene and dress properly when approaching somebody for labor. In a recent poll featured in Fortune magazine, 73% of all voters said that if a Mexican and a ‘hobo’ approached them looking for work, both offering the same amount of wages and labor, they would choose the Mexican. When asked why, there was a cumulative agreement amongst the voters that Mexicans had the better reputation for hard labor and gave the appearance of a trustworthy worker. Through this program, American poverty holders would be given the chance to improve on their appearance, thus improving their chances of getting hired. The men of poverty would undoubtedly become the American soldiers of poverty as their knowledge base expands.
Women and children would also benefit drastically from the teaching of the Mexican mass. Women would learn how to take cheap and unwanted food products and create edible food for their family. Kids would learn how to form alliances with other ill-fated children and stalk the streets of the ghettos with a friendly gait. How to sell small treats, such as gum or candy bars, and accessories could also give the children life long lessons in marketing. As it were, Mexican families would get monthly checks to help support their added baggage in the household.
Both American and Mexico could stand to serve the people of their country until the more attention to the adverse mass of society. As Hilary Clinton once said, “Let there be a colorful friendship between those of ill-fated circumstances that reach across borders.”
Ramble Ramble Rambo 